Question: What is the Catholic Church's view on sex and remaining chaste? Do they believe in waiting until marriage? What are their views on oral sex? I haven't heard much talk about sex and the Catholic Church.
Answer: It is somewhat refreshing to get a question like this because most of the time all I hear from our culture is that the Catholic Church is too “hung-up” about sex and that the Church should be quiet about its “archaic” views on the matter.
In a nutshell, the Catholic Church believes that sex is a wonderful, beautiful and mysterious gift from God. It is holy and life-giving. It is the physical expression of human love, the most intimate that human beings can become with one another. Not just bodies, but souls joining as one to unite in love and to bring the fruit of new life out of that union. At the same time however, a gift of this magnitude must be used as it was meant to be used, and not used casually or in disregard to the intention of its Creator.
That being said, the Church teaches the Truth about sex: that it is intended only for a man and woman bonded for life in the holy sacrament of marriage. Therefore, any form of misuse of this precious gift outside of these parameters is sinful. Any sexual activity outside of marriage (either before or with another besides one’s spouse during marriage) is grave sin (and if you meet the three conditions for it, it could be mortal sin). Sexual intercourse with someone other than one’s spouse is called adultery and sexual intercourse with anyone before you are both married is called fornication.
The Catholic Church challenges us and expects from us that we will be people who live chaste lives, both before and during marriage, and celibacy if a priest or religious sister or brother. This means that if we are not validly married to one person of the opposite sex, then any form of sexual expression is sinful because it is misusing this precious gift. So yes, the Church believes in waiting to have sex until marriage, and then only within the bonds of that union.
Concerning forms of foreplay or other forms of sex like mentioned in the question above: The Church teaches that these physical expressions of love are meant for marriage as well, since they are intended to lead the body to the point of completion in the sexual act. However, even in marriage oral sex may not lead to ejaculation outside of the vagina or it would be a sin, similar to masturbation or contraceptive sex.
We have to remember that there are two purposes to marriage and that sexual intercourse (and therefore all sexual activity) is intended to fulfill these purposes. These two purposes are: 1) unitive and 2) procreative. This means that sex within marriage must lead to a greater union between the two spouses and be open to life with every act. Therefore, sexual activity that does not meet these specifications would be wrong, whether it be in marriage or outside of marriage.
While all of this may sound too “dogmatic” or lacking “romance” or “love”, nothing could be further from the Truth. Let me ask you: what is more representative of true, authentic, lasting love: a sexual encounter with a boyfriend who may or may not be around next week, or with a man who has pledged his life publicly before God and others to honor and respect you and have no other besides you for as long as he lives. Then this same man continues to live those vows each day by serving you and showing you his love in countless ways: doing dishes, taking care of things around the house, listening to all of your hopes and dreams, taking care of you when you are sick, being patient and forgiving—ultimately trying to die to himself everyday to honor you and your dignity. There’s no question. That’s why studies time and again show that the people having the best sex are those in a committed, Christian marriage.
Far from wanting to keep us from “all the fun”, our Church seeks to allow us to grow in the freedom that comes from obeying God’s laws, so that we can reap the rewards that come with that lifestyle. Once again, who really loves you: a culture and media society that teaches “do what feels good”, but that leads to such negative consequences as: sexually-transmitted diseases, abortion, broken hearts, jaded outlooks on love, hopelessness, depression and loneliness. Or a God who seeks to offer you the best sex: holy, pure, beautiful and mysterious, without any of the negative consequences. One way leads to enslavement, the other to freedom. The choice is yours. May God in His goodness give you all the grace needed to be pure in mind and body.